It is at times like these that I desperately wish my body would allow me to physically cry, instead of this bizarre uncomfortable and un-relieving feeling that I could explode with tears, pressure building.
I'm completely empty, and almost couldn't get out of bed this morning from pain and my body going completely stiff. But I made it out, and I'm here at work. Still not thinking clearly, still unable to concentrate, still numb from who-knows-what my nerves are feeling. Or maybe they really aren't feeling anything; maybe they are gone.
All this to say, it's been quite a miracle today that I've even made it to this point. I hope I get home safely.
Lord, I don't feel like I am in touch with you right now, more like I'm choosing to live in this odd place; but I don't want to. I also wonder if it is wise to continue living here physically; maybe it's wise to move on. But I don't know how I could - a few things bind me here. So perhaps you do want me here? It's just so hard to watch. And feel. Carry me through to the other side, for I fear I'll be unconscious by the time I get there.
